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| I still live, just been really busy, and I don't have a computer anymore.
My job is ok. There's one lady I don't like, but I deal with it. I didn't like my managers at first and i was ready to quit, but I've decided to get tough and take peoples criticisms with a grain of salt. Besides, my manager found out i was a artist and decided to put me in charge of making wreaths. They sell them for about 50 bucks so I must be good. lol.
Got a apartment, now everyone wants to be my friend.
Saw Ryan yesterday, hadn't seen him in a year. He was very gentle with me and apologized for the way he treated me before and said he want's to focus on our friendship. Too bad my mom hates him, we could never get married unless I wanted my family to dis-own me.
We are going to the movies tonight. I feel pretty this week. 
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| I want to strangle the sun
when she creeps through the window
illuminating my skin
showing what shouldn't be seen
inside and out
frightening the truth
killing the violence
behind the stares
“Hey, did I ever tell you the one?”
and you were asleep on the couch
and I was asleep in my heart
that’s when I got ready to tear
up the place
tear up the space
between us
There was a man that used
to shout obscenities in Mc Donalds
and sometimes I don’t feel like
I’m much different from
the woman that cries every morning
in front of the book store
It kills me to think
that I'm not going to be there
for everyone who dies...
Will I even be there when I go? | | |
| Im just a sweet transvestite from transexual translvania. | | |
| - You Little Shits!
Sunday, I went with my friend to the Chicago Pride Parade. It was really fun. I've never been to a pride parade before, and Chicago has one of the biggest, besides San Fransisco and New York. So i'm glad I had that opportunity.
Then I went to Club Mambo after wards. I haven't really been able to go to any clubs, because I'm only 20. So this was fun. I think I'm going to try to go a few more times before I go home.
I really don't want to go home. I love Chicago and my friends and all the diversity and Gay-ness. Lol.
I'm leaving around July 31. Back to the backwoods for me.
But it's important for me to help my family and be with my father. He might not even make it to X-mas. And my mom keeps telling me that she knows I will be unhappy, and that I don't have to come home if I really don't want to.
But my family comes first.
Yes I will be unhappy, but I have to take care of everyone. | | |
| - The Noise of Carpet
Well, a few months ago I made a post here about how my dad was sick with cancer, and I said I would keep people posted.
As much as I would love more than anything to give good news, I'm not sure there is any anymore. When we first found out about it, we thought there was hope. My dad has a very extremely rare form of cancer called "Leimyosarcoma". 1 out of 4 million people have it, however my dad is the only one with his kind. No one knows much about it or how to cure it. He had four very large tumors. The doctors said they couldn't't't operate on it until they shrunk, so he had two rough months of Chemotherapy, and when they checked to see if it did anything, not only did they discover that the tumors actually got larger, but he grew 2 more! Chemotherapy is ineffective for this type of cancer, and the doctors say there is nothing more they can do.
My father was eating well, trying to take care of himself, and his doctor told him not to worry about that anymore, and just eat what he wants and enjoy the rest of his life.
The life expectancy for this is 12 months-5 years. Only 12 months for the ones who can't have surgery (ie. My dad).
I live in Chicago and my dad and mom live in Michigan. Ever since I went to visit my dad at the hospital last week, I've been utterly miserable, I've been blowing up at people for no reason, and as much as I loved Chicago while I was here, I just really need to spend time with my dad now.
Besides, when he goes, my mom will need my help.
Fuck, I can't believe I'm talking like this. I was so optimistic, but I've been calling doctors all over the place, and they told me they couldn't't help me, so it's really difficult to have hope now. My father looks more sick everyday. He doesn't deserve this. I can't live in Chicago while I know he's in this condition. I wanted him to see his first grandchild, see me get married, walk me down the aisle, and I don't think it's going to happen. I just don't know what to say or do anymore.
Sorry Bonnie that I'm talking like this, but I don't know what to think anymore. The family will be back together though, when I come back home, and that's all we need to think about now. We just need to make sure dad is happy. | | |
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